I had a serious argument with a close friend sometime in 2012 or 2013, I was the President of a student organization and a lot of work flooded in. We resumed academic work too and I knew I could not run the office on my own, I also realized a lot of people listen to my friend because he had a way of inspiring confidence in others which I did not have. I learnt early in life not to wait till I learn what I need but to collaborate with those who have what I don’t. I knew I needed my friend on board with me, I also knew that he was aware of my need but for some reasons known to him he kept aloof.
I was practically drowning, bailing water out of my small boat. This led to major frustration, I was sad and overwhelmed. I tried not to react to him in light of his attitude but I continued working with other executives as they made themselves available. I also remember expressing to him how much I needed his help but somehow that help did not come forth as I would have expected. Despite this experience, I still went ahead and continued with the work. I finished my tenure even though I was physically and mentally fatigued, I handed over to the next set of leaders successfully.
With or Without
Work will be done, whether you et involved or not, ideas will blossom and flourish because they are not dependent on selfish desires.
If a friend reaches out to you for help on their ideas, how do you respond? Sometimes these questions seem simple but they say so much about who we are.
I remember an interview I attended and I was asked to describe a situation where I had accepted an idea from someone else and how we executed it. I had a number of examples but I had very little statistics on how much my input was and what we achieved. Yet I could say boldly that I had helped someone achieve his dreams!
We all like to talk about one drop not making an ocean but sometimes our words are not enough, we have to show support for other people. Over the
I have become a repository of knowledge by helping different people in writing, drafting business proposals, research data analysis, web development and lots more. I started to understand the challenges people face in developing viable ideas. I also realized that with or without my help, these people would achieve what they will.
Life is like a bag of seeds, we can choose to give out some of our seed to others to use on their farms. If I have rice seeds, I give to the person who has mango seeds and so on. Our farms would be filled with variety and beauty but if I choose to hold on to my seed, it will not stop the other man’s farm from growing.
We miss out a lot on what we could get when we hoard our help from others. I have had very few friends and what hurts me the most in friendship is when I keep giving and not getting in return. Its not that we should offer help just because of what we want to get in return but whats the point of a friendship that is not part of your support system? Life is all about being a helping hand, collaborating with people is one way to do that. The benefits far outweigh the cost to you.
Finally, in evaluating a collaboration request there are simple ways you can make it happen without much stress:
1. Clarify what the request is about, my friend should have at least asked me what I needed from him.
2. Decide what you can offer e.g. Time, Money, Network/Connections. Sometimes if you cannot help, refer people to someone who can.
3. Evaluate your gain, yes its not selfish to think about yourself. After all declining is also because you are thinking about yourself, so state clearly what you want in return.
4. Contribute Immediately, even if its a kind word of encouragement or a new perspective. Don’t use “I forgot” too many times and remember nothing is too small.
I am happy I could make my motivation Monday post, Probably you missed out on #FictionSaturday HERE IT IS. I hope this helped someone out there, Happy new week to you.